A Life in Words

Cutting... Never really thought about it much but its always been something in the back of my head. Always wondered what could possibly be going through the minds of people who cut themselves. I have read a few posts about it trying to understand what they could be experiencing and from what my heart tells me it is some release of excess emotion. When you get filled up with emotions that you are trying to suppress and you have no more room in your heart or your head you release them by opening your body up, making you feel better with the pain. It was such a foreign emotion to cut myself trying to make myself feel better. There is no way that I would ever do that. No way that I would ever take that emotion from God and try to deal with it myself. But I realize that cutting yourself is not just physical. What is cutting. It is inflicting pain or injury on yourself. What is injury? Damage or harm done to or suffered by a person is the definition that I found and no where in that does it say physical. There are things in my life that my heart runs to, not because it is safe or because it is right but because it is familiar. When life is going well or smooth I never seem to have this problem but when life is to much and my tiny heart cannot stand the tension anymore I see myself running back to that same safety. I realize that Jesus has been waiting on me this whole time to run to him. Anyone who has ever conflicted pain on themselves knowingly or oblivious to the fact listen up. Jesus is waiting for you... He has been waiting for you to run to him for your entire life. I dont want to feel that same pain over and over and settle for it just to get away from the pain im running from. Here I am Jesus... and this hurts... But I trust that you got it... I trust that you have the direction that I need to be running... Never doubted it from the start, but man this does hurt