A strange feeling indeed. I stand here not knowing what to do next... Feelings of the past have surrounded my dreams not allowing me to feel for the future. I do not know why the mirror cries out in the middle of my dreams, why it screams hoping to get my attention for some odd reason of which I do not know. The last time that I tried to understand what what the mirror was trying to whisper my heart was in pieces which is the reason why i stay here laying in my safety covered with the sheets and blankets which make up my amour. Oh God why are we so distant. Why have we given up on one another for just a brief while. We have lost so much ground that I do not even know where to start. This feeling inside of me is as conflicting as it once was in my darkest dreams. Could I just be scaring myself into fear because happiness has finally come... Could I just be so happy and content that life will show me different... Could I just be so satisfied that my dreams wants to give me worries... Oh to fight an enemy is always a hardship but to fight an enemy alone is such a frighting battle.

I love

I love that I don’t have anything that I absolutely MUST write about... I love that when my fingers hit the key board my mind isn’t trying its hardest to make my fingers type what my heart is screaming... I love that my fights are about me and a closer relationship instead of fights about being lost and alone... I love that my mind and my heart agree that I am where I need to be although staying here is not in the cards. I love that I am starting to love again and that a smile that has suddenly taken residence on my face is such a familiar feeling... I love that she is standing beside me even though there are things that could destroy us, even though there are things that loom on the horizon that could in fact break us... I love that the thought of a darken future not only scares us but scares us into each others arms... If you think for one second that you can show me the harms that could come, if you could show me that there is an obstacle in my path down the road, if you think that for one second that opening my eyes to something that I have already seen could really detour me from following what my heart is like a small child pointing at and saying "OH OH OH" jumping up and down with a smile on his face than you are out of your mind because I can see the smile on my face even when the thought of a tear comes close to my heart and I would not trade that happiness for that second for a life time of sadness... If you think you could than I am right here willing to try to prove you wrong....

Learn to walk

So there are a few words that are constantly coming to mind.. My heart and my head at the same time are telling me that I should stop and hold back but for some reason this little thing in my throat is wanting to just scream.... I don’t know if it is because I have not been in this seat in so long that the thought just feels so good or if it’s a true blue feeling. I am afraid of something and I don’t know what... More than likely I am afraid because there is nothing else to feel other than freedom... Freedom of the heart is so far from a natural feeling that your mind runs from the thought, which is where I am in so many different paths of my life. Although I have finally graduated and am moving on with my life, got a job fresh out of the gate, and have an amazing girl by my side I still stand here waiting to really show God what I can do. I just wish I had the guts to really stand up and start moving... I hope I can find that grit that I had so long ago to stand up to the shadows soon, I don’t want to loose my place of where I am right now... I like the path, I just don’t like the pace... Learn to walk I guess...