I wonder if when I get to the shiny gates and stand before God waiting to be judged if when he sets fire to the things that I have done in my life will he look at the things left standing with a smile or some type of stamp of approval and whisper a life well lived…. Or will he look at me with a surprisingly somber face and ask me instead “did you live?” I don’t want to slide softly into my grave with my body perfectly preserved and everything neatly in its place. But rather come skidding in sideways body tattered and completely spent with a smile on my face and drink in my hand telling God what a heck of a ride he made just for me…

I don’t understand sometimes where I should be. I feel as if I am on a rollercoaster that never really ends... I have my moments where nothing comes out of my heart but sheer panic and screams. Other times I feel as happy as rain as if nothing could go wrong. And of course there are those moments that you get to the top of the ride just before the obvious big fall that everything is so peaceful and beautiful that you would not dare change a thing in the world. Here I sit at the top of the coaster for the time being. I know that there is an obvious drop on the horizon but I am not quite afraid of it. There are plenty of things in my life that I have to change, that I have to see through and accomplish but for right now could I not just sit here, take a breath and just enjoy everything that my young eyes can see. There is nothing better than the breath you take before something takes it from you... Here I sit, not wanting to make a change for the world because here my world sits, right beside me.

Her nor I will be the death of us... I have always believed that to be able to fall in love and actually stay in the falling position you should be able to grow with one another. But if you are not able to really lean on the other person, if you are not able to really hold onto the other person you are really missing out and sad to say I am afraid that in time missing out will be the chorus that we shall be playing...