Tuesday - I wonder if I believe in fate anymore... I wonder if I believe that everything happens the way it should, some divine plan, or if we are just floating on a breeze going where ever the wind decides to take us... If the saying strangers stab you in the back but friends stab you through the heart has any truth to it then I really must have some great friends.... I wonder if I should sit back and take the easy road by saying if it should be then it will but for some reason I am starting to doubt the truth of that...

Here we go

Monday - This is why I look at church folk as fake unrealistic people... I would have assumed that everyone on this planet has their own crap to deal with and if my life is any example I would say that everyone has enough crap to deal with to be completely occupied. But people who are fake and don't like to take a look at whats really bothering them inside of their own lives, they have to try to pry their fingers inside of someone else's... If you want to play you better grab your shield because this game can get messy. I hope you think its worth in the end...

Just a kiss

She looks down at the ground trying so hard not to let him see what her eyes are so desperately trying to give away. He sits beside her wanting so badly to rush to her and wrap his arms around her body but he knows that if he does is heart would surely stop. Her hand stays on the door knob as she tries to hold herself up. She notices her knees are not as strong as they once were as he stands in front of her. He slides his hand onto hers just slightly rubbing his fingers between her knuckles. Gently feeling his fingertips on her hand as her lungs take a deep sigh making her look up at him. His eyes catch hers and at once his body moves forward and his hands slide behind her landing on the small of her back. She leans her head back slightly making it obvious that her lips are begging for their lips to just simply touch. His hands begin to shake behind her as he holds her close. She slides her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. Seconds feel like a life time and heart beats feel like an eternity. His lips slowly slide to hers as both of their eyes quietly shut. She pulls him closer as his lips land on hers like a butterfly with sore feet. Her hands move from shaking to being strong and confident as she grips his neck and holds him close. His hands stop shaking behind her as he picks her up off her feet and they simply hold each other in the corner of the dark room. Their hearts slowly beating a soft rhythm as their worlds slowly slip away

Friday - Well, there is trouble on the horizon. Come to think of it it really is not that big of a deal but in the same sense it kind of is... I dont know, for some reason I have a feeling that I need to disconnect a little from the whole thing. I hate that I do this, I wish that I had enough trust in me to trust God in his plan. I just hope I can hold on long enough to really figure all of this crap out... Instead of running from this gut feeling of insanity

Thursday - So I am feeling a little overwhelmed with everything. I think I just have a little to much on my mind. I really like this girl and there is another girl on the horizon that I really need to deal with soon. I dont think the second girl has a chance in the big picture and I am thinking that she is wanting that. I do however really enjoy spending time with the first girl. I really do like her but I am really nervous about the outcome of us. I have graduation coming up, finishing up my classes and trying to stay focused with them, trying to secure my job with the County while I STILL KEEP DOING THE JOB. I have to make sure that Student Goverment keeps going, I have to make sure that a few more jobs happen before I check out properly from Webber WHILE I still have a life and other responsibilities... I dont know, it just seems that I cant get away from my head... We will see what tonight holds, should be a decent night...

Wednesday - What a useless day. Not quite the beginning and not quite the end. My emotions dont know which to pick, the beginning of the week CRAP or the end of the week JOY. All I can think about today is how I need to play my next play. I have a hand full of cards for my next move and I know that whats on the tabe has the potential of looking good some day but I also know that it has the probability of going south too. The bad thing is I tend to look past the probable crap and go for the hopeful good. But now that I think of it my fingers are shaking so maybe I should listen to my gut and just hold back...

Tuesday - So this is brand new but I think I can handle it... So today there is so much crap going on in my life that I can barely hold everything down in my head and one more thing is just way to much. I graduate in about 50 days which is a great thing to look forward to but of course my head is thinking of more things than just that. Will I have a job, will I be happy in that job, other jobs that I am currently doing, am I leaving those jobs in good shape, and then you start to think about personal stuff and your life. It is hard trying to sit down and figure out or try to plan what is going to happen tomorrow in your life. But of course the things that I think about are more unsolved mysteries than anything else. I think about God and how much of a horrible friend I am to him. I think about all the crap that is going on that I am doing and that is being done in my life. I think about friends and then start to worry about little things involving them. And if your thinking that my thoughts are centered around more negaitve things I will agree. Because if I start to think about some of the good things, some of the possibilities they just end of falling of and wind up hurting... Maybe I screw them up, maybe they screw me over I dunno... Best to just leave it alone till I either get strong enough to get screwed or smart enough to stop messing things up...