We always seem to want whats best for us... Even in the most ridiculous of situations. Probably one of our better qualities. But when a moment comes up where the enemy picks on a weak spot in our hearts we fold and convince ourselves that we deserve less... and not only that we deserve less but that we are less. We allow his whispers to creep in and tackle our hearts. We all but welcome him into our minds and freeze when his grip reaches around our insecurities. And once that grip secures itself it would like nothing better than to spread throughout our lives to every possible situation. Making us stop in our tracks, making our breaths that much harder to take, and making our voice shake to a point where we no longer trust what we have to say. We deserve better. But until we believe that very fact our hearts insecure or not will be open for attack and our enemy is cunning and smart. He has perfected his skills over millions before us. He is good at what he does but he is not the best. He can be defeated. Easier than we could ever imagine... he can be defeated!

I am not willing...

I am not willing could mean a lot depending on the situation. It could mean a lot of good or mean a lot of bad. It could be dripping with encouragement and strength... Or reeking of fear and doubt. We are not willing to stand idly by why the world is being taken over by lust, pain, cruelty, and out right Godlessness... I am not willing to watch those around me fall into the same hole that I was stuck in for so long. I am not willing to leave you stranded and alone because of my own fear. I am not willing to give up on you. How amazing it must feel to have your faith be tested on any level and you stand tall... slamming your foot down and with a strong voice you protest that you are not willing to give up. I am not willing to let the enemy in and destroy my life even if it is for only a moment. I am not willing to watch your army fight endlessly against odds that would have made the armor barer shake. I am not willing to give up hope. Oh how those moments would pass and hearts would be uplifted.

Fear...

You read time and time again in the bible "fear not". It is strange to me how often God or Jesus makes a reference to not fearing. It is only strange to me because fear is such a common thing in my life and I am sure so many more. Not common as in I fear all the time but more that it is a very well known emotion that frequents my thoughts on numerous occasions. And oh does it work. The enemy has done quite well in mastering the art of fear. We read in the bible the absolute first knowledge of fear was experienced by Adam where after he ate the fruit he hid from God. Because he was afraid of what might come. Life hasnt really changed yet because fear is just as strong now as it was then. It grips you in ways that you would have never expected. We are told in the bible "fear not"... we are told in the bible "do not be anxious"... but we still fear and we still become anxious. The enemy has indeed perfected this dastardly thing. This emotion that swallows you hole. It chocks you from the world and covers your eyes. You cant breathe. You heart feels like it is pounding and your head matches the toucher. You mind runs and things on every level dealing with the situation. How you can beat it, how you should not be where you are, and the ever tempting "woe is me". Fear is smart... The enemy is smart. He knows where to poke and when to poke and how to poke at things that you thought were long gone. He sits and waits... and waits for your guard to slack just slightly where he can try his games again. We have a protector but I hate it when someone stands up and screams with all of their might, JESUS is our protector and he shall get us through this. Yes... I agree, with all my heart that Jesus is my protector. But when I dont give him the chance. When I lay down my shield, the enemy has full reign. Why must we hide??? Why must we run??? Why dont we stand tall and be the iconic inspirational hero that we always dreamed of being. Standing toe to toe with the enemy... Feeling Jesus standing beside us as we battle for our very soul. Our sanity even. Why must we shuffle off into the night with our tails between our legs. God help us.

It seems strange to be so far from you. I am working for you constantly. Trying so very hard to think of new things for your people, for myself to be closer. Although I will be the first to admit that I have slacked lately and I am in no way trying to say I don't know who's fault it is as to why we are so quiet with each other. But now that I miss you. And I know that I should call more often. Just wanted to write it down, so I could remember.