A Life in Words

My life consists of making the right decisions to appease the right people. I don’t make these decisions to make others happy mind you, but myself. I make these decisions every day because my personality thrives on the people around it. So it would seem that I spend almost every waking moment trying to make others around me feel better about them selves or at the very least feel happy. I guess you could see that as more of a selfless than selfish but by far it is quite the latter. So here is the situation, if you ever ask someone who works at least a 40 hour a week job they will attest to the fact that the people that you work with are the people that you spend quite a large amount of time with during your day to day and those that are around you every day can affect you every day. This is especially true if your personality is like mine and you live off of the people around you. So inside of my work day I have three co-workers that I directly work with and six co-workers that I work around. Now obviously if you could see my day to day you would agree that there are more but lets just skip the ones who don’t fit into this rant or rave today. Now out of the three co-workers that I directly work with one is a lot different than my personality, one is quite close, and one is just an odd mix. All three are very nice and likeable but there we are. Now one of those three is hard for me to be around only because of past mistakes that will haunt me until the day that my life here ends, the other is a red flag only because of who they are and how they act, and last but not least is a person who you cannot get close to only because they are simply hard to get close to. Not because there is some impenetrable wall or anything, just the fact that they are hard to get to know. Out of those three the person who I would rather spend my time with is either hard to get to know or past events have not allowed me to be who I really am so obviously there is the third who of course is a red freaking flag. To appease all others I try to spend as much time with that person and the group they fall into only because it would be an awkward feeling not to be involved in the group that I should probably be in. But now that I have been a little more forward in my time with different groups it has been said that I might be sliding down the ladder because of how it looks. So here I am. Do I stop all contact together with the people that I work with, put on my mask that I wear so well with others and be my loner self, do I stare social death in the work place in the eye and move forward with what groups I am somewhat apart of, do I move towards what people snicker and have suspicions about and just hold my head up high because, well it hurts to hang it down, or do I move out of my direct workers social circle and spend my time with the folks that may not be mentioned in this littler tiff of a feeling. Oh to the decisions that might make you or break you ONLY because people tend to want to help you out by pointing out what they see, which of course is always 20x20 for them and never for you. Oh I wonder what to do, how to feel, how to react. Maybe this long weekend might be the time I need to let those worries that have of course been on my mind softly fade away. I guess it is always best to leave a story like this in a positive or optimistic view so there I will stay…