When you melt my heart I cant look at the phone or at you. My head leans back or my eyes run to the edges of my vision. My heart feels like its dancing in my chest and a tight feeling where it should be. The only thing I can think of to do is to sigh. Breath goes in deep and slow and as it releases a smile sneaks on my face. My eyes close and my heart flutters sinking into its position like a child with a warm blanket.

Oh I hate it when I need to go to my blog so early in the morning. It was a rough morning already, and in all reality nothing really special happened, I just happened to wake up thinking about what I am always thinking about, and lately that subject has been rough. Life will always have its ups and downs, and I cant for the life of me figure out why it is so surprising when the downs are actually downs. For some random reason I expect them to be maybe a minor dip instead of a fall... I was talking to Jesus the other night and the conversation went along the lines of asking him why we go all in with certain situations. Why we risk our hearts in relationships. I literally sat a the feet of my savior and asked him point blank with a perplexed look on my face why do we invest ourselves in our lives... I think if he were to be anyone else I would have gotten a smack across the face. But being the awesome savior that he is he just laughed softly and replied that even though it feels like we are all in, even though it feels like a dead end road, he never planned for any of those moments to be an ending note. He only planned for it to be another section of the path. It comforts me that he can see ahead of me... But it will always be nerve racking to drive blind folded. Maybe today will get better, maybe it wont... The factor that it will depend on will be me... And I would love for it to get better...

I am discouraged today... Its no life altering moment nor is it a death sentence but it is a slight hardship...

I was sitting minding my own business, wanting to take the world on my own. I was fine with the idea that someday I would find someone to settle down with but until that moment came I would be fine none the less. But then I heard a beautiful song come on followed by a beautiful girl walking into my life. What else could I do other than ask for a dance? In my surprise and probably more so fear she said yes. I probably stuttered because in all reality I didn't expect her to agree but never the less I put on a strong face, gripped the small of her back and brought her in close. I followed the rhythm and danced the dance that I knew. I was surprised at how much she was enjoying herself; I was surprised that she was trying to take the lead as well. The beginning of the song was just like every new song beautiful and romantic. It had its great moments of frisky movements and strong passion which played to your hope that the song would never end. The middle was a little bit tougher, with particular dips and precision twists. You had to be passionate about the dance to even want to go forward but through it all somehow we did. The frustrating part is we had one fall. I think without that the dance would have been flawless, which isn't saying a lot because it seemed flawless to myself and probably everyone else. And then came the end. Everyone was waiting for a big finish, some grand emotion that allowed you to tie in all of these spent and floating feelings that were surrounding us. I myself was very excited to see if we could actually pull this thing off. Dip, turn, hold, strong shoulders, good form and then the music stopped. Our eyes couldn't seem to rip away from each other even over the frivolous applause that engulfed the room. You heard nothing less than an ovation and an encore to go further. We had just danced our hearts out and left every drop of emotion on the table. But I think the funny part of that entire night was we were terrified to do something new. A new melody had just started and we seemed faint or distant. Maybe we were fearful that we could never be as good as we were, maybe we were worried that it was just a fluke that we had just danced with our hearts. But maybe, and I am still trying to figure this out... Maybe we are sitting here with courage at the door wishing we could walk out on that dance floor again.

Dont ever fool yourself... There is nothing that you do or go through that is bad in good times. Nothing that you are involved in or deal with are bad in good moments. Its when the moments turn bad and you still are good that counts.

I think we all secretly or openly want to be loved almost more than anything else. We tend to focus more on our close friendships then we do on the regular people in our lives and why? Because they love us or we love them? We tend to stay close to our family regardless of whether there have been problems or pains and why? Because they have loved us our entire lives and no matter what we say aloud we really do love them? We tend to fall for charismatic people in our lives and we doodle in our head the changes that would come from a long relationship or even a marriage and why? Because Disney and every other childhood influence has made us believe that the love between two people in marriage is a love that cannot be explained or given a simple value and that trust and loyalty and this amazing emotion is something we have always been looking for? Yea, I think unconsciously we will or have always been looking for love. Something that you can call your own. Something that you and someone else built and maintain. You work with sweat and tears to keep this fluid thing alive and we cherish this living thing that is amongst us. I think that is also the reason that we are so terrified of it. Terrified of losing it, hurting it, not finding it, or simply not feeling it. Your heart doesn't sink for to many situations but when the love of your life or at least the love that your heart has chosen decides to be difficult or play hide and seek that sinking feeling comes creeping in... But the other side to love and probably the more rewarding side is the trust or the faith that the moment will turn around to reveal these amazing gifts and rewards for moments that were more trying then you thought you could get through. If its love, its worth getting hurt over. If it is love its worth the wait, the risk, the frustration and any other possible emotion that could come crawling in your love struck mind... Don't give up... Don't give in because there will be powers that try to detour you from this amazing emotion that is nothing less than a gift to your life. Hold on and reap your rewards in the end.

If you think just because Jesus knows what is going to happen in your life he doesn't enjoy or feel the moments when they happen you just think about points in your life that you knew what was going to happen and they still don't hit you just as strong as if you had no idea....