A Life in Words

I wonder why we think we need to have everything under control. Everything fixed before we go talk to god. I feel like when its time for me to go get right with god I have to be squeaky clean, that I have to shine. I know somewhere in my kind that god cleans me and wipes the dirt out of my eyes but for some odd reason when I actually fall in the dirt I push his hands away and force myself to push through the tears and wipe away the dirt. I don't know why that is a first reaction for me. I don't know why that is what happens before anything else. I wonder if one day I will get tired of doing such a spotty job. I wonder if I will ever get tired of doing something half way and actually trust him to help. Actually trust him to move into my heart and heal the pain. I wonder.

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