Sometimes you miss someone and you want to tell the world. But you cant because the world shouldn't hear it. And then you get frustrated because you have this feeling that is so beyond you that it literally hurts your chest to hold it in and you can't even share it. What's the point of being so connected in the world with social media and you can't even share your true thoughts. Mainly because its dangerous to your health. Because that burst of emotion just might leave you out on a limb alone.

Could we be more disappointing... That a generation who is so consumed with making our own light. Having our own light be different on every level. Being creative and refreshing. Wanting more than anything to stand up and be something worth being. Not being afraid to stand out but wanting to do so. But yet our relationship with God comes as a carbon copy to those we see around us. We speak to him like we do not know him, as if he is a telephone operator that connects us to where we should be. Could we be a bigger walking ironic cliche.

I wonder if deep down inside we are more terrified than ever to actually receive everything we want... Not the actual wanting that scares us but the winning and the taking. Everything that we have ever wanted sits right in front of us and it scares so bad that we avoid it, we think its to good to be true and we step away or try to correct it on our own... Not a complete thought mind you but there is something there

As Christians we get so wrapped up in the rules of things that we forget the first few steps. When someone new comes around and they first decide to believe in God we are so ready to explain to them the rules and the consequences of what God is and what our faith represents. We get so tangled up in what we have to do that we forget what our relationship between us and our Father really is. When I first started believing it took someone three years to tell me about the love between Jesus and me. People were so excited about telling me the rules and what I needed to do to step up and be a real Christian that no one told me why I should believe. Sure they told me that if didn’t I would end up in hell or if I didn’t the people that I was supposed to tell about God would go untold but no one told me the first two steps. The steps that really hold you when life gets so rough. First you are going to fail… Over and over again. The bible tells us very clearly that we are sinners and we are going to screw up. The idea of becoming a Christian isn’t accepting that you are perfect… Its accepting that you aren’t and that you need Him. The second step is knowing why you should believe. And that is because you are loved. No one anywhere loves you more than your creator more than Jesus who died for you. That person who is mad about… Crazy about you… Madly in love with who you are… took the precious time to create every little detail of who you are and what makes you tick. He gave you details that only you can appreciate. He gave you moments to appreciate in the moments he knew that you would need. How something strikes you whether it’s a song or a full moon or sunset, and it hits you right when you need it to. He designed that for you. Not for everyone but for you personally. In the end those moments when the world is kicking the crap out of you, you aren’t going to be able to hold because of fear of going to hell but because of the understanding and the beauty of the fact that you’re holding on to the one who loves… Who loves you with no end, who loves you like no one else. Don’t forget the two main steps to your relationships… Sometimes we suck, sometimes we aren’t perfect and we screw up… But we get up and keep going because He loves us for who we are and he wants the best for us. Once we get those two things down pat we can keep going because even though those steps are important they are just the first two. 

Listening to Francis Chan this morning and he was speaking about Hell and everyone putting their opinion out there about it... I'm thinking in a response to Rob Bell's video on Hell. Watching this Chan said something that I had NEVER thought about that way before. His premise in the video was we tend to say that I don't believe that God would do that because it doesn't match what we think of him.. of maybe what we would do. The bible says God tells us our thoughts are not his thoughts. His thoughts are above our thoughts. And us understanding what he is doing or why he was doing it maybe sometimes beyond our ability to understand. And then he mentioned the Devil, and the Devil being thrown into the pit of fire to live their eternally is something that probably EVERY christian has heard. But have you ever thought about the pain it caused God to do such a thing. The Devil was his creation... He took the time to create him just as much as he too the time to create me. and he had to throw him into a fiery pit forever. I have never thought of it from that side before. What a hurt it must have been for God... What a tragedy it must have been.

Even through these rough times.... Even through the moments that seem darker than most. The pain in my chest or the churning in my stomach. I want to say thank you Jesus... Through all of this I know there are many lessons that you blessed me with. And I am sure later down the road I will see all of them clearer than ever. But one right now that I believe was the best is you taught me how to be sold again. Since the last time I have been running through friends and relationships at a safe distance. I would be there enough to show my emotion but never to give it. These past two years have been amazing and I have chosen to be sold over something that I was secretly fearful of doing. You showed me a glimpse of that again and I am so excited for you to really open my eyes. You are an amazing savior...

Its funny how conversations go when hearts change. The sweet I love you's or the kinda hearted efforts of trying to say that special thing to make them smile. Thinking of them constantly and wanting to tell them every random detail that crawls through your mind. And then suddenly moving to hows the weather, or some other insignificant mask to hide what words are dripping from your heart. My mind pictures words on paper that are your basic conversation starters or enders. Its been a while's or how are you doing's... And then those letters dripping down the paper with what is really there. I miss you's and I love you's... and of course there is usually one person who really feels those masked words and the other is actually moving along... maybe not easily but moving none the less. but the masks are still there... Everything changes.