Don't we always feel like we just have tons to say... There are so many feelings running around inside that just contradict eachother... Feelings of fear, feelings of strength, feelings of pity and feelings of admiration. Never will you be able to explain your deepest fears nor your deepest courage. That moment when you look at something and tremble, your heart not really knowing what to do other than hide or at least go to a place that will save you from where you are... That moment when your body feels like it could lift the world and solve all of the problems nothing could possibly get in your way and nothing could possibly bring you to your knees... Colors so bright and the world so alive. You feel like you were reborn and the world is something you had never experienced until right then. Love and hate. Two things that rarely come separate or at least far apart. One moment you could be floating and then the next you are nothing more than gravity's play thing. When we fall we fall.. There is no soft stumble into the night or some easily defeated boogie monster that awaits our deepest nightmares. When we fly there is no height that could stop us. The clouds are mearly our friend giving us some cushion to lay on when we get to that perfect spot to just view gods perfection. Our life is so complicated only because we strive to understand it all. Truth be told I don't think that in a million years no matter how much we could plead with god we could never understand the complexities of the simplistest thing. Why does a heart beat and why does it beat special for certain things... And for those certain things why does it beat with enough intensity to light up even the darkest of dreams. I don't know the answers to most of the worlds questions nor do I expect to ever figure them out. I am mearly along for the ride.

I had a harsh thought once in my life... There was someone that I wanted to spend time with more than anyone else that I knew... This person made me smile, made me laugh, made me generally feel like nothing could touch me. I was safe in their arms and no matter what they would be safe in mine. One day I was restless with the fact that I had not seen this person in quite a while... Now when I say I had not seen them I don't mean really because I saw them probably every night... But that was just it. During the day or in usual times there was always something to do or plans that they had... So as I grew restless I grew more angry which was about the worst thing that you could do. So I asked why. Why do I get the last minutes of your time. Why not the best. Why do I get when you are getting ready to drift off into your dreams. I looked them right in the eye and asked why don't you give me the best moments or even give me a shot at the best moments. Sadden and hurt I turned around to fund Jesus standing behind me with a disappointed look. He looks at me right in the eye and says...... ditto.

I had a random dream just now... It's always funny to me those dreams that are really spot on to what you we're thinking about... But this particular dream was just a tease of emotions... When I woke up it was worse than the worst part of the dream. But life isn't always as pretty as it should be. So I insert my favorite saying it is what it is.

Ever notice we always blame Adam and Eve. Never the devil. Always focus on the person the failed. Never the situation or the cause.

Do we hide in the things we think we are good at when we are struggling... When we are scared or hurt. Do we throw ourselves in the things that we think we handle well or at least the things we think we are excepted in when life turns a corner we were not expecting. I think that just like a small puppy would venture out and dare to take a step close to what could be dangerous, when that danger becomes more real than we anticipated or closer than we really want we run back to what we trust. To what we think is safe or at least what we think we can control. The question is what is your safe spot... and do you need to change it!

I wanna write... I want to tell you my thoughts. I want to take my heart and my brain and even my soul and just drip them on paper so you can hear, see, read every thought that I have. I would love for you to hear what my heart screams and then what my head whispers. I would love for you to be in that battle... not because its a battle but because the information is so much fun to go through. I run, I have a fast pace when it comes to the heart, when it comes to emotion and love.. I believe that I have that pace or at least that I am able to go that pace because I am not afraid of getting hurt with it. I have no delusion of that fact that I might not get hurt. Even if everything worked out so well I am still going to get hurt at some point. I am not worried about it. Question is why are you. Why are you afraid of running... Have you ever fallen before... YEP... Are yous till here... YEP.... so whats to worry about it... Scrapes and bruises... Breaks and strains. What are you worried about... Grab someones hand and jump... For jumps sake. If you dont like the water when you get in it FUN THING IS... YOU CAN GET OUT... Stop treating life like its a breakable glass artifact that if you screw up it will be done for. ITS NOT THAT WAY. LIVE... SOMEONE LIVE..... Pick something in your life to live for and go... LIVE FOR IT... but dont sit around waiting for life to invite you to its party... its not going to... Get up and dance.... DO SOMETHING...

My head and heart are bursting... Ideas and thoughts, memories and heart throbbing moments... Moments that may have been nothing, moments that may have been everything. Dreams... Hopes, my heart and my head are filled. My soul swims through the possibilities of every little argument that could be had... Every argument that probably means nothing, that are probably so over analyzed that even the smallest detail may become the largest focus. And that focus would last for just a few seconds because some other argument comes through my head and I run with that. A person, walks into my life and I chase that thought down and beat every idea, every moment out of it trying to figure out why in the world did you just show up. And then once I cant even breath because of the tail spin that I inherently walk into I try to calm myself down and look at the beauty that resides around me. I sit back and smell the beautiful roses that line the roads that are in my life. I sit back... I love it when I sit back. Those thoughts and ideas, those memories and hopes and dreams simply fall to the ground and stay put for just long enough for me to catch my breath. So that the world can slow its spin for just a moment and I can look in your eyes and watch you smile and KNOW that no matter what everything is going to be ok. I love those moments... I love the moments when everything doesnt HAVE to come together. When everything just sits there waiting for your next move and you softly realize that LIFE IS GOING NO WHERE without you. Nothing is going to leave except those particular moments. AND BE SURE that if you fall and try to grab that moment before it leaves and you dont make it.... BE SURE that another is coming right down the tube... DONT MISS IT... Be ready... and the only way that we can be ready is if we are prepared to get up and RUN... Run like you have never run before... Dont be afraid of that... Dont be afraid of falling or losing... Your going to have another turn. Its not one and done, goodnight and goodbye... its batter up and you BETTER be ready for the next go around.