It only takes so many tries before adaptation changes the way you love.

I fear that I may have played a wrong move early in my life. I seem to be thriving and spilling over with romantic ideals, hopes, and dreams. The sad part is that I believe I have trained myself to hold those back for a single person in my life. A risky choice to say the least. It may turn out to be brilliant in the long run but as for now here I sit with my hand empty and my heart bursting.

Like a soldier I blindly follow my leader holding on to the faith that he knows the best paths. A war that I have been fighting my whole life with different battles through different seasons. This war ending only with the salvation that my leader has secured for me. See hes been there and hes seen where it is. So I follow knowing not where we are going or even when we will get there. But this growing trust in my heart tells me to follow and fight knowing that he would not be with me in the mud with fire all around if he didn't know where we were going.

Its not in pieces... Its not smashed against the wall nor shattered from a high fall. Its not melting and it hasn't shrunk. Its gone. An argument waiting to be had for sure, whether it is better to feel the pain or nothing at all. The moment where the decision needs to be made of whether or not you jump off an emotional cliff to just stop the pain that resides in your chest, or to jump onto a bed of nails just to reawaken the ever quiet space laying empty in your chest. You will never feel a more focused heart until it feels as if its losing the battle. So here I sit, with a painful awareness of what changes are here and what changes are to come.

My heart wants more and my souls demands it. But what more is wanted, I am still searching for. May god protect my heart. May he quiet my mind and hold me tight. You are my guide, you are my strength. But I will not lie that my heart aches for that which you have steered away from. May you reveal what you have stored for me in your own perfect time. Until then my heart, bleeding as it may be is still trusting you.

He's trying to remind me of the moment I felt I wasn't good enough. He's trying to convince me that I need to be afraid that I am so close but just not good enough. We can't let him win us over.

Why do you post things. Why do you use social media. Do you use social media as an outlet for the troubles in your life or a tool to mainstream your thoughts and ideas. Do you use it to update people of current events or as a forum in efforts to change the world. Do you use it to make jokes and lighten someones mood or do you use it in a way to save someones life by posting little reminders of faith and or strength. I use it for myself. A selfish notation obviously but still true none the less. I use it to write things down so that I may go back and revisit clear moments, thoughts that I once had, reminding myself of comments about strength and courage, faith and love. I write them down to remind myself of how that moment played out because I am never going to remember. I don't know if you use it the same or even see it as a good idea, that's fine... That's why you have your own reasons