I still believe in a look. I still believe in love so very much that a simple look can suffice. A look across the room when two people connect without words, with out a psychical touch but connect on a level that is so often over looked. Your first instinct when you catch someones gaze is to look away, for what ever reason we dare not allow someone to notice our stare. But in that off chance, in that rare moment when you connect with someone who you would dare not look away, you fall in love all over again. Remembering why you had fallen the first time. Knowing that the moments that lay behind you and stand in front of you are moments that you cherish because you love every minute spent and not spent with this person. Who you were before them was just a person dreaming of this day... Who you are after them is just someone who's soul has been touched... I still believe in this moment, a moment where all that is needed to change your world is a simple catch of that special persons gaze, and then off to lovey dovey land where there is no coming back.

You have moments in your day that pop up and make your life seem exciting... Those moments are usually some big experience or awesome news that just came to mind but on a rare instance its something a lot smaller. A moment, a clip, a song, a thought that just hits you and makes you think of all the possibilities that you have in your life. You feel as if the invisible celling that you feel every day is gone, that your office or room isn't closing in on you right now that it actually just opened up and you realize all the cool little things you can, like write on your walls, on your windows, tape things up... And for that moment, that brief little moment your free. Free inside your life where things aren't as bleak as they once were. I love those moments, those moments where you can just let yourself go and remind yourself that there are tons of things that can be done, there are moments that can happen and things that can change. Although there are some things that are in your life that will never change from what they are, that doesn't mean we have to sit in the rain and stare at them. I love those little moments that god can share with us without making it feel as if it some huge spiritual thing... something quiet and easy but up lifting at the same time...

For the very first time I believe I can say though the outcome is fuzzy and I dont know for a fact that it will turn out the way that I want it to, I trust that what will come will be amazing... I trust that what God will bless me with will be so far beyond my wildest dreams that I will be frozen in awe of what he has planned to bless me with. I am not afraid that this will hurt, I am afraid that it isnt what I think it should be, but I believe with all of my heart that its going to be awesome in the end... Thank you God for this peace inside of all of this. Thank you for your shoulder right when I need it... Thank you for being who you are...

I have been sitting here waiting for someone to come into my life and tell me that they love me... I have been waiting for someone to just whisper those words... I have fought to keep that, I have loved and loved trying to feel loved for just a simple moment but it never lasted. I thought that my life was just going to be void of an ever lasting love... I thought that it just wasn't my season... Well as I pray, I say over and over please God send me someone who loves me... Someone who loves me please send to my life... And god gently whispers, im right here... and have always been and always will... I can love you like no other... You will never find someone who is so head over heels for you... Never will you find someone who's heart beats for you the way mine does..

Cutting... Never really thought about it much but its always been something in the back of my head. Always wondered what could possibly be going through the minds of people who cut themselves. I have read a few posts about it trying to understand what they could be experiencing and from what my heart tells me it is some release of excess emotion. When you get filled up with emotions that you are trying to suppress and you have no more room in your heart or your head you release them by opening your body up, making you feel better with the pain. It was such a foreign emotion to cut myself trying to make myself feel better. There is no way that I would ever do that. No way that I would ever take that emotion from God and try to deal with it myself. But I realize that cutting yourself is not just physical. What is cutting. It is inflicting pain or injury on yourself. What is injury? Damage or harm done to or suffered by a person is the definition that I found and no where in that does it say physical. There are things in my life that my heart runs to, not because it is safe or because it is right but because it is familiar. When life is going well or smooth I never seem to have this problem but when life is to much and my tiny heart cannot stand the tension anymore I see myself running back to that same safety. I realize that Jesus has been waiting on me this whole time to run to him. Anyone who has ever conflicted pain on themselves knowingly or oblivious to the fact listen up. Jesus is waiting for you... He has been waiting for you to run to him for your entire life. I dont want to feel that same pain over and over and settle for it just to get away from the pain im running from. Here I am Jesus... and this hurts... But I trust that you got it... I trust that you have the direction that I need to be running... Never doubted it from the start, but man this does hurt

We starve for the perfection in our lives… We search and search trying to find just the right moment when life opens its doors to reveal where we are, where we are going and when it doesn’t we seem to start opening doors desperately trying to find the call before the ending. Our hearts beating as tick tocks of a clock… We hear the thumps in our chest which pushes us to search even faster, more carelessly that when we find something that fits the mold we grip it with two hands and hold on tight as if the crushing wave of life itself is just behind us waiting to pounce… This truth, this lie that we have found in our desperation of being saved is the thing that we hold close, the thing that we grip to while we dangle off the edge of the world. We dare not look down to see the darken pit that goes on and on with no ending in sight that is just below the edges of our toes. We grip to this thing that could be wrong, could be right with every inch of our hopes, every inch of our dreams and if we dare to let go we will fall into the bottomless pit of uncertainty, of life not known by our careful hearts… life that we have not lived, where knowing is not an option and being safe in a blissfully unaware mind is just a fond memory. Oh how easy it would be if it were just easy to let go.