I wonder if we were able to see... I wonder if we were able to psychically see the shield in one hand and the sword in the other. I wonder if we could feel the hot steel on our bodies, the helmet heavy on our head... I wonder if we could hear the battle cries and the screams of fallen enemies and fallen friends a like if that would change our vision. I wonder if we could see the fight between good and evil if our hearts would change, if we could see that our strength and our weaknesses are not just our own but all of your brothers and sisters along with you. I wonder if we could open our eyes to the fight going on through out the world could we really see our commander and chief ruling from the heavenly clouds... Would we change, would how we fight change... Would we look at the battle not as some video game or movie you can stop and reset when the parts get to scary or to hard. Would we stand, would we fall, would we rise up and challenge the shadows that stand before us or would we slip away hoping to avoid the conflict in our hearts. I wonder if the sights, the sounds, the smells, the horrific cries in the night or the screaming would harden our hearts... If we would be sold or for sale... If we would fight with the fire of God or if we would stand by and play the sidelines.

I know in the end as long as I stay true to the idea that I will be fine in Jesus... That as long as I walk beside him the path that he created for me will never over take me. I know that everything that I have gone through, am going through, or will go through is a designed idea that will get me to where he wants me in the end... but right now letting her go out of my mind is not something that I want to do or even feel like I should do.... you told me to just wait, to just hold on and you would show me where I needed to be... I wait, I walk beside you waiting to see what you see. I can promise you that I trust you, I can promise you that no matter what I believe in you and that you will pull me through whatever could come up, but along with you she also has my heart... and although any other time I would say we need to figure out how to get it back I don't really want to pray that prayer...

Was just thinking last night when something really really bad happened that it was funny to me when you have God on your mind you seem to find the good in things. I could not help the fact that I could point out all the possible outcomes that could have happened that would have been so much worse that what happened... Thanks G for giving me a calming way to look at it. If I had not been calm I don't think I would have been able to fix anything at that point... You really saved me last night... Thanks,

Soo... Here I am wanting to say something profound and poetic about how I feel at the deepest levels of my heart... Here I am wanting to convey the emotions that float around my life at this particular point in my life... Here I am.... Wanting to say.. God, yea your right, this is tough, this is a little on the painful side, but ya know all these random quotes that float through my head about your awesome love, all these random verses about you loving me deeply seem to be quiting the darken shadows that randomly walk through my heart... I love that you do that... I love that when I just whisper your name it seems like a warm blanket right now... Well, i havent said it today so i guess I will... you rock...

Thanks G....

Goodnight world

Thought of the day... Although everyone I know thinks I am a cocky little dude I think I am quite the opposite... But as I think about it, the mask that I wear to lead people away from who I really am (its a defense dont hate me for it) is cocky... So to sum that up my mask is cocky... Not who I really am but it is the who I am choosing to be. choosing to wear a mask allows you to avoid being who you really are... but do you choose a who that is close to you or one that is far away... I have gifts that God gave me... Gifts that I am supposed to use for good at some point in my life, and who the heck do I think I am by not honoring those gifts that I was given by my father and not share them with the world... Dont ever be afraid to show who you are... You never know, someone in your life could be in your life to see that mask come down... They could be waiting and waiting just for a glimpse of who you are... Always be real... Dont be fake... Yea the Bible actually says to people dont be fake, how awesome is that... But that comes from a guy who has always worn a mask to protect himself... In all realaity what it did was clip my wings... Ok mental note, another thing I will be working on here... Being me... I will stand up, I will speak, I will walk because I know that God gave me something and dang it im gonna use it.

My thoughts for this evening G... I am scared out of my mind about praying to you in front of everyone at youth next week. I know I am a public speaker and all but this is different than speaking. This is me, sharing my heart for you in front of other people... Not so assuring. I don't know if it scares me to think that they might not like my ideas, that they might not like my thoughts or where I stand, I don't know if its just a random uncomfortableness or if I'm just dramatic... But sure enough when i think about doing it in front of anyone its pretty terrifying. But none the less I had a thought the other day when I was talking to P. Frank.... I said that I knew with out a doubt from times that have passed when I get up there you give me the shakes to get me going and the strength to get me through. I think when I said that a feeling of amazement washed over me. No matter what you seem to always give me the strength to push through. I have not always been right there with the thank you or the you rock but deep down I always tipped my heart to you... You really do know how to give me what I need right when I need it. I wonder if that timing is to give me a sense of satisfaction while giving you the glory and praise for a job well done... I wonder if its a lesson every time to learn to lean on you... To go as far as I can go and not worry about the extra little step because I know you will be there... I wonder if you just rock that way and there really doesn't need to be an explanation... I think I like all three put together there... yea... Well lets just say you rock and leave it at that... I think I could go on and on tonight but I wont... See you in my dreams... OH YEA, thanks for the towels... I really did need them!!!

So all week this week I have been telling myself that I need to go get some small towels for work. Every morning during an event I have to wipe off the seats of the golf carts because there is always dew on them.. Every morning I have to randomly find a shirt or some type of napkin so I can wipe EIGHT carts down so you don't get soaked while driving them. I went to walmart, forgot to get towels, I went to lowes, forgot to get towels, I went to publix, forgot to get towels, I EVEN WEN TO MY HOUSE.... AND forgot to get towels. So for a week I have been saying over and over I need some freaking towels. Wouldnt you know it, God decided to make my day just a little better by having the girl at Smokin Jims insist I take some towels when I ordered some take out.... Gods great... with the big and with the small... Hes great through it all... (I know I know, I just had to rhyme...)