You know maybe your right. Maybe my valiant efforts are just masked cowardly fights. Maybe my heart is sold for someone who was never really sold for me. Maybe I fell for someone who just needed to be reminded she was beautiful, maybe my entire existence in that young women's life was so she could have strength and regains her confidences in herself. Maybe all of that is true but I can stand here and say that I gave every last inch of my heart to figure it out. At least I can say I tried. When have you ever put yourself on a line that you had no control over. That safety was only in the hands of god, in the hands of someone else. When was the last time you believed in something.

Don't fret my friends. Lay your heart on the line with no thought of yourself. Love is only true when being safe is not in your control. Lay that fear down and give someone the chance to amaze you.

A guy is supposed to stop the bullets and hold back the tears she may feel. A guy is supposed to charge in with just enough finesse to be strong but not overbearing. A guy must be gentle and heartfelt. Not afraid to lay it on the line or stand in front of the firing squads if it is needed. a guy must be strong enough to save the girl and probably more likely save himself. Be able to stand up and face the fear of rejection. Face the fear of pain and heartache. You tell me why, why must he do it. Without even the slightest hint that she is willing to meet him in those dangers. And why. Because one day he is going to find that girl willing to go just as far to win his heart as he is hers.

Girls will say over and over they would love to find a guy who will just make then smile. Who treats them well and holds them close. I want someone to appreciative me and make me feel special to them they will say. I want to find someone who will stand up without fear and chase after me. and when that guy comes along they won't get out of their own way to accept all they want.

The Hawley Law
       Rule of 15

The Rule of 15 states that once an event has been picked to attend if there is a blood relative of the Hawley family in the attending party the event planner or event host must add on 15 minutes to the prep time for that event. In doing so the event planner or event host will minimize the tardiness of the group due to uncontrollable or unforeseen events leading up to arrival of the event.

I wrote this to one of my friends and I needed to put it down somewhere so I didnt lose it...

You should be looking for someone who you think has the potential of you falling for them... You find them interesting and you want them around so you date them... Then you find how cute they are and all the little things they do that you like so you make them your quote "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and make it exclusive... Then you find that you are falling for them and you truly love them... insert the ring and the witty proposal.. or right before that point you find out that all those cute little things that they did just masked the true horrors of what they are and how you two dont mix so you pick up your crap and move on and find the next person. nothing more, nothing less.. Its that simple. but you can be sure to sprinkle on some drama in some of the transitions of each step.

Oh heavy eyes. Oh heavy heart. Let's not play this game tonight. Count your sheep and sing a lullaby. Let's see what damaging dreams we can come up with tonight.

I just want to be someone's number one on this earth. Someone's focus for love, Passion, trust, compassion, safety, and strength. And more than anything I want to give all of me right back in return. Is that such a bad thing or to much to want? Please let me know so I can stop and be done with this familiar pain.

I fear above all that this dull pain is just building like a storm just off shore waiting for brilliantly bad time slide into my life. Holding on to the depressed state of my hopes and fears.

It only takes so many tries before adaptation changes the way you love.

I fear that I may have played a wrong move early in my life. I seem to be thriving and spilling over with romantic ideals, hopes, and dreams. The sad part is that I believe I have trained myself to hold those back for a single person in my life. A risky choice to say the least. It may turn out to be brilliant in the long run but as for now here I sit with my hand empty and my heart bursting.