You know maybe your right. Maybe my valiant efforts are just masked cowardly fights. Maybe my heart is sold for someone who was never really sold for me. Maybe I fell for someone who just needed to be reminded she was beautiful, maybe my entire existence in that young women's life was so she could have strength and regains her confidences in herself. Maybe all of that is true but I can stand here and say that I gave every last inch of my heart to figure it out. At least I can say I tried. When have you ever put yourself on a line that you had no control over. That safety was only in the hands of god, in the hands of someone else. When was the last time you believed in something.

Don't fret my friends. Lay your heart on the line with no thought of yourself. Love is only true when being safe is not in your control. Lay that fear down and give someone the chance to amaze you.

A guy is supposed to stop the bullets and hold back the tears she may feel. A guy is supposed to charge in with just enough finesse to be strong but not overbearing. A guy must be gentle and heartfelt. Not afraid to lay it on the line or stand in front of the firing squads if it is needed. a guy must be strong enough to save the girl and probably more likely save himself. Be able to stand up and face the fear of rejection. Face the fear of pain and heartache. You tell me why, why must he do it. Without even the slightest hint that she is willing to meet him in those dangers. And why. Because one day he is going to find that girl willing to go just as far to win his heart as he is hers.

Girls will say over and over they would love to find a guy who will just make then smile. Who treats them well and holds them close. I want someone to appreciative me and make me feel special to them they will say. I want to find someone who will stand up without fear and chase after me. and when that guy comes along they won't get out of their own way to accept all they want.

The Hawley Law
       Rule of 15

The Rule of 15 states that once an event has been picked to attend if there is a blood relative of the Hawley family in the attending party the event planner or event host must add on 15 minutes to the prep time for that event. In doing so the event planner or event host will minimize the tardiness of the group due to uncontrollable or unforeseen events leading up to arrival of the event.

I wrote this to one of my friends and I needed to put it down somewhere so I didnt lose it...

You should be looking for someone who you think has the potential of you falling for them... You find them interesting and you want them around so you date them... Then you find how cute they are and all the little things they do that you like so you make them your quote "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and make it exclusive... Then you find that you are falling for them and you truly love them... insert the ring and the witty proposal.. or right before that point you find out that all those cute little things that they did just masked the true horrors of what they are and how you two dont mix so you pick up your crap and move on and find the next person. nothing more, nothing less.. Its that simple. but you can be sure to sprinkle on some drama in some of the transitions of each step.

Oh heavy eyes. Oh heavy heart. Let's not play this game tonight. Count your sheep and sing a lullaby. Let's see what damaging dreams we can come up with tonight.

I just want to be someone's number one on this earth. Someone's focus for love, Passion, trust, compassion, safety, and strength. And more than anything I want to give all of me right back in return. Is that such a bad thing or to much to want? Please let me know so I can stop and be done with this familiar pain.

I fear above all that this dull pain is just building like a storm just off shore waiting for brilliantly bad time slide into my life. Holding on to the depressed state of my hopes and fears.

It only takes so many tries before adaptation changes the way you love.

I fear that I may have played a wrong move early in my life. I seem to be thriving and spilling over with romantic ideals, hopes, and dreams. The sad part is that I believe I have trained myself to hold those back for a single person in my life. A risky choice to say the least. It may turn out to be brilliant in the long run but as for now here I sit with my hand empty and my heart bursting.

Like a soldier I blindly follow my leader holding on to the faith that he knows the best paths. A war that I have been fighting my whole life with different battles through different seasons. This war ending only with the salvation that my leader has secured for me. See hes been there and hes seen where it is. So I follow knowing not where we are going or even when we will get there. But this growing trust in my heart tells me to follow and fight knowing that he would not be with me in the mud with fire all around if he didn't know where we were going.

Its not in pieces... Its not smashed against the wall nor shattered from a high fall. Its not melting and it hasn't shrunk. Its gone. An argument waiting to be had for sure, whether it is better to feel the pain or nothing at all. The moment where the decision needs to be made of whether or not you jump off an emotional cliff to just stop the pain that resides in your chest, or to jump onto a bed of nails just to reawaken the ever quiet space laying empty in your chest. You will never feel a more focused heart until it feels as if its losing the battle. So here I sit, with a painful awareness of what changes are here and what changes are to come.

My heart wants more and my souls demands it. But what more is wanted, I am still searching for. May god protect my heart. May he quiet my mind and hold me tight. You are my guide, you are my strength. But I will not lie that my heart aches for that which you have steered away from. May you reveal what you have stored for me in your own perfect time. Until then my heart, bleeding as it may be is still trusting you.

He's trying to remind me of the moment I felt I wasn't good enough. He's trying to convince me that I need to be afraid that I am so close but just not good enough. We can't let him win us over.

Why do you post things. Why do you use social media. Do you use social media as an outlet for the troubles in your life or a tool to mainstream your thoughts and ideas. Do you use it to update people of current events or as a forum in efforts to change the world. Do you use it to make jokes and lighten someones mood or do you use it in a way to save someones life by posting little reminders of faith and or strength. I use it for myself. A selfish notation obviously but still true none the less. I use it to write things down so that I may go back and revisit clear moments, thoughts that I once had, reminding myself of comments about strength and courage, faith and love. I write them down to remind myself of how that moment played out because I am never going to remember. I don't know if you use it the same or even see it as a good idea, that's fine... That's why you have your own reasons

She writes on her arm because she thinks she's worthless. He watches his porn because he thinks he's not good enough. She is mean and nasty because she thinks people are going to hurt her. He's promiscuous because he doesn't think he deserves love. She hides because she thinks no one wants to find her. He lies because he thinks no one wants to see who is is. She lies because she thinks no one cares. He's scared because no one has ever protected him. She's scared because no one has ever saved her.

My horoscope and superstitions have been right some times. They have been so close its creepy. But they have also been wrong more times then not. But Jesus has never been wrong. Jesus in my life has been something I can count on and something that I can trust.

You never know quite what you need.. There are moments when you feel uninspired, when you feel lost from the world and you would do anything to find your way back. You search and search for this feeling of awaken sensibility that you cant seem to find to make your day. That feeling when you walk out of a warm house and into a cool breeze outside. That moment when your lungs fill up with fresh air and you breathe in this calming temperature which allows your heart to flutter just enough to awaken the senses trapped inside you. That moment when you finally realize just what you wanted in a moment, just what you needed to smile for that brief second. You didn't figure out your life or have some world altering moment that conquered all of your troubles but for that moment, just for a moment you were at peace. Your world spun the right way and at the right speed, you were breathing normal again and your heart seemed to idle just long enough to feel the emotions surrounding you. You felt love, you feel friendship and belonging. You remembered all the little things that one should remember in a day and you cherished each memory as it passed by. You danced in lost moments gone by and you snuggled up to hopes long since forgotten. Like a warm blanket on a chilly day you wrap yourself in life. Those moments we easily forget only because life seems to beat it out of us. What a great memory... What a great moment...

Its like an itch... Something on the part of your body that you can never quite get. There are plenty of times that you get so close you feel the itch go away but somehow it still ends up itching all over again with even more intensity. Its a craving. Knowing that you want something so bad everything else seems to be just a bore when the thought crosses your mind. You feel uninspired and unchallenged due to the fact that your not where you want to be or doing what you want to do. The problem is you don't know exactly where to scratch, you don't know exactly what it is you want you just know that somethings there, somethings missing, you need something more, something else...

And then the moment comes...

A deep longing satisfaction. Like that itch we finally are about to reach, the movie we finished and sat in silence wondering what we'd do differently had the director thought to include us in the narrative too. Its like finding something you never knew you were looking for, true love. But once you have it, you wonder how you lived without it. And you know as intimately as you know the other person that you'd go crazy or never go anywhere again if they were to go away. They are a part of the foundation upon which your identity is built. That's the love we want... The heavy kind. The kind that is strong enough to support us and crucial enough to make us want to die if it ever disappears. It's scary as hell, but we should settle for nothing less.

You may find it online, or at a summer retreat, or randomly on a Tuesday afternoon. Something that may take seconds to unfold and end up being a complete surprise to you where you will never be the same. Those things that are not accepting of our slacking or compromise are usually those things that blindside us and force us to comply. Thank God love is lenient enough to fill our soul, brain, and heart with enough pleasure, sacrifice, and belonging that we happily obey its grip on us.

Because we want it. We want someone to come home to, to share return address labels with, and to look at while dinner is warming and ask, am I crazy? an no matter what they say you'll be content, blissfully content, with the answer because whether you're nuts or not they're there.

With you

In the stuff.

Chase down the thing you're looking for and when you find it go on a great adventure together knowing that its not whether your paths meet up or have similarities but the fact you will be roaming together, always ending up in each others' arms. That is the kid of love your soul was made to have. Do not spend time on anything of cheap imitation. Its just not going to do.

It's amazing that when you hit a wall and get hurt from falling down god can still show you his amazing love by throwing you something that helps you breathe and stand back up.

I can hurt you. I know how to play games. I'm convincing and sometimes gets my way. Sometimes I give up and take a dive. Sometimes I Say things that people want to hear. Sometimes I say things people don't. Sometimes I get scared over things I shouldn't and sometimes I have no fear over things that I should be terrified of. Sometimes god and I scream at each other, probably just me screaming. Sometimes I miss his voice and fall off my path. Sometimes I hear him fine and still fall short. Sometimes I swing with my eyes closed and get a hit and sometimes I miss. Sometimes I care about things and sometimes I don't. I have a small ability to read people which means I can call you out. I have the ability to guess correctly which can hurt you. I'm needy and overly confident. I have outstanding gifts that god has blessed me with but I have problems with showing those off. There are plenty of things that can hurt you. There are plenty if things that can lead you astray. But what governs my life is god through my heart. And wouldn't you know it. My heart is yours. There are things that you are going to have to trust and I will do my best to prove to you along the way. But I promise that way will be to serve god and to love you... u

I feel a peace when we are together and so far from peace when we are not... Is that an answer or just a desire?

I want to kiss her for no real reason. I want to hold her hand because my hand craves it. I want to be able to pick her up and put her in my arms because she fits so well. I want to lay beside her and feel just as safe as she does with me. I want to automatically play with her hair or slide my fingers up and down her back. I want her hand to automatically play with my neck or the tease the back of my head. I want to do one of those sigh smiles when the thought of her runs through my head but more so I want the thought following that to lift me up like a great dream. I want to be hers, to feel like I mean something to someone on a level that isn't just friendship. I want to be counted on and trusted. I want to be that person for someone that holds them, that makes them feel stronger and safer. I want the world in the shape of a heart... Is that so much to ask?

It's those oh crap moments. Those times when you don't know whether to go left or right, up or down, fight or throw your hands up. I think when we have screwed up the same thing over and over we get used to what to do. We know the prayers to pray or the people to talk to to get back on track. It's those tiny little changes. The differences that make you scratch your head and wonder oh my god how am I getting out of here... Well Jesus you got me right. Because I sure as heck don't. wo

Trust me. More than anything I don't want to do this. But I promise it will be for good. I trust that god is in this. Even though I didn't see it till someone connected the dots. But I believe this is what needs to be done. And I trust that god has something (maybe something unexpected) at the end. But what I do know is we will hear gods voice. Stay strong and go after him. 20 seconds of insane courage here I come.

I think the best thing about stories are the happy endings. Its always good to see the main characters in a great story find happiness at the end. It always seems that the author needs the characters to go through tough times and the better the ending the tougher the time they had to conquer. The problem is those great endings are so great to read but I am sure those characters are breathing deep from the crap that they just came through. Stories become beautiful only from the imperfections that you read. Beauty is never scar-less, beauty is never perfectly clean. Beauty comes from work, comes from effort. So those beautiful endings are usually only as beautiful as the effort that was put into them. The question is what ending are you putting your effort towards. And probably the harder side is, did you pick the ending that goes well with your story. None of these are answers that can actually be answered but questioned of course.

When you melt my heart I cant look at the phone or at you. My head leans back or my eyes run to the edges of my vision. My heart feels like its dancing in my chest and a tight feeling where it should be. The only thing I can think of to do is to sigh. Breath goes in deep and slow and as it releases a smile sneaks on my face. My eyes close and my heart flutters sinking into its position like a child with a warm blanket.

Oh I hate it when I need to go to my blog so early in the morning. It was a rough morning already, and in all reality nothing really special happened, I just happened to wake up thinking about what I am always thinking about, and lately that subject has been rough. Life will always have its ups and downs, and I cant for the life of me figure out why it is so surprising when the downs are actually downs. For some random reason I expect them to be maybe a minor dip instead of a fall... I was talking to Jesus the other night and the conversation went along the lines of asking him why we go all in with certain situations. Why we risk our hearts in relationships. I literally sat a the feet of my savior and asked him point blank with a perplexed look on my face why do we invest ourselves in our lives... I think if he were to be anyone else I would have gotten a smack across the face. But being the awesome savior that he is he just laughed softly and replied that even though it feels like we are all in, even though it feels like a dead end road, he never planned for any of those moments to be an ending note. He only planned for it to be another section of the path. It comforts me that he can see ahead of me... But it will always be nerve racking to drive blind folded. Maybe today will get better, maybe it wont... The factor that it will depend on will be me... And I would love for it to get better...

I am discouraged today... Its no life altering moment nor is it a death sentence but it is a slight hardship...

I was sitting minding my own business, wanting to take the world on my own. I was fine with the idea that someday I would find someone to settle down with but until that moment came I would be fine none the less. But then I heard a beautiful song come on followed by a beautiful girl walking into my life. What else could I do other than ask for a dance? In my surprise and probably more so fear she said yes. I probably stuttered because in all reality I didn't expect her to agree but never the less I put on a strong face, gripped the small of her back and brought her in close. I followed the rhythm and danced the dance that I knew. I was surprised at how much she was enjoying herself; I was surprised that she was trying to take the lead as well. The beginning of the song was just like every new song beautiful and romantic. It had its great moments of frisky movements and strong passion which played to your hope that the song would never end. The middle was a little bit tougher, with particular dips and precision twists. You had to be passionate about the dance to even want to go forward but through it all somehow we did. The frustrating part is we had one fall. I think without that the dance would have been flawless, which isn't saying a lot because it seemed flawless to myself and probably everyone else. And then came the end. Everyone was waiting for a big finish, some grand emotion that allowed you to tie in all of these spent and floating feelings that were surrounding us. I myself was very excited to see if we could actually pull this thing off. Dip, turn, hold, strong shoulders, good form and then the music stopped. Our eyes couldn't seem to rip away from each other even over the frivolous applause that engulfed the room. You heard nothing less than an ovation and an encore to go further. We had just danced our hearts out and left every drop of emotion on the table. But I think the funny part of that entire night was we were terrified to do something new. A new melody had just started and we seemed faint or distant. Maybe we were fearful that we could never be as good as we were, maybe we were worried that it was just a fluke that we had just danced with our hearts. But maybe, and I am still trying to figure this out... Maybe we are sitting here with courage at the door wishing we could walk out on that dance floor again.

Dont ever fool yourself... There is nothing that you do or go through that is bad in good times. Nothing that you are involved in or deal with are bad in good moments. Its when the moments turn bad and you still are good that counts.

I think we all secretly or openly want to be loved almost more than anything else. We tend to focus more on our close friendships then we do on the regular people in our lives and why? Because they love us or we love them? We tend to stay close to our family regardless of whether there have been problems or pains and why? Because they have loved us our entire lives and no matter what we say aloud we really do love them? We tend to fall for charismatic people in our lives and we doodle in our head the changes that would come from a long relationship or even a marriage and why? Because Disney and every other childhood influence has made us believe that the love between two people in marriage is a love that cannot be explained or given a simple value and that trust and loyalty and this amazing emotion is something we have always been looking for? Yea, I think unconsciously we will or have always been looking for love. Something that you can call your own. Something that you and someone else built and maintain. You work with sweat and tears to keep this fluid thing alive and we cherish this living thing that is amongst us. I think that is also the reason that we are so terrified of it. Terrified of losing it, hurting it, not finding it, or simply not feeling it. Your heart doesn't sink for to many situations but when the love of your life or at least the love that your heart has chosen decides to be difficult or play hide and seek that sinking feeling comes creeping in... But the other side to love and probably the more rewarding side is the trust or the faith that the moment will turn around to reveal these amazing gifts and rewards for moments that were more trying then you thought you could get through. If its love, its worth getting hurt over. If it is love its worth the wait, the risk, the frustration and any other possible emotion that could come crawling in your love struck mind... Don't give up... Don't give in because there will be powers that try to detour you from this amazing emotion that is nothing less than a gift to your life. Hold on and reap your rewards in the end.

If you think just because Jesus knows what is going to happen in your life he doesn't enjoy or feel the moments when they happen you just think about points in your life that you knew what was going to happen and they still don't hit you just as strong as if you had no idea....

Don't think for a second that when I met you I fell for you... Don't think for a second that over time our hearts became one and love was a product of that growth. I have loved you since the first time I ever read a love story. I have loved you since the first time my heart ever fluttered. I have loved you my entire life, I have just been waiting to know your name...

There has never been a situation where you didnt know exactly what you wanted. There have been plenty of situations where you were fearful of the options, fearful of the possibilities and then decided to second guess just what it was that you wanted in the first place...

I had a dream... It was probably the most vivid dream I have ever had. You were right there beside me. You were so beautiful that I just had to kiss you. I slid my hands behind your neck teasing your hair and I slid in for a kiss. When your like did not respond the dream ended. Sadly I awoke to you not there.

Just know my heart misses you... So very much.

I cant stop thinking about this line in in what Love really means... Love me for me, not for what I have done or what I have become... On a level between you and God that is a given, he loves me for me... Mainly because he created me, who knows who I am and doesn't need to be convinced. But can you imagine someone loving you for you... Not with the idea of what you will do with your life, or what you have done... But loving you for who you are, true blue, straight up and down, right as rain love...

I should be fighting dragons... I should be climbing long winding stairwells trying to get to you. I should be riding my faithful steed through dark haunted forests and battling the shadows within myself, within you, within the moments that try and steal our hearts away. But instead I battle time, I battle worries, I battle things that have not yet come with no promises that they actually will. I battle my insecurities, I battle my fears. I battle the lacking of my faith in moments where promises and whispers should push me to triumph. I battle the past and decisions made so long ago that still haunt today.

What freedom a rouge tear has. Your life simply moving on through out the day, and then a random emotion starts to fall down your cheek. You softly wipe it away thinking nothing of it at the time but as your fingers feel the wetness and the faint trail that it had left your mind begins to wonder. See nothing in life can happen without you questioning the significance of it. Although the world and life itself would be a far better place if in fact we could just let things happen without needing to know exactly why or how. But as you feel that vague track of dripping emotion running down your face you start to wonder just what it could be. Your mind races to your heart and tries to find some logic of why you would showing such emotion. Your heart seems fine and intact even your mind tries to figure itself out to see if it was caused by something that he was thinking. But no, you sit there wondering just what it is that is going on with this emotion without the ability of finding an answer. So you stand up and declare to anything that had an opinion that in fact that tear was simply a rogue tear, a fluke that meant nothing in the long run. How I wish other things in life we could just accept.

It has always been funny to me that certain people in your life have such a commanding pull over your emotions. Its not like they missus such a power or consciously know that they even have it, but it is astonishing how a simple sentence, a certain reaction, even the slightest look can send your heart into a tailspin. I don't know if I should be amazed at the sheer awesome power that they may hold or be amazed at how much we obviously care about them. Either way it is quite an experience to say the least.

So instead of some effort to push out a poetic summary of my nights I am going to just spill my thought, which I have no meaning, reasoning, or idea what the heck it is. For a year I have been talking about paying off my truck, I have been fantasizing on all of the little things or big things I could do with the money I would be saving and one of those thoughts was buying a house. I got so excited at the idea that I could move out of my parents (which is killing me that I am not in my own place) and be on my own that I decided that I would try and pay the truck off early. So the beginning of the month came and I had the money to pay my truck off a full year early which was very exciting to me and exciting that I would be able to move forward in looking at a house. I talked about it and talked about it to everyone especially God. I had budgets, decoration ideas, desired areas but still no real feedback from God. I thought it was funny that he was letting me move a big decision like this forward but didnt think about it to much. Then a thought randomly crossed my mind that instead of buying a house maybe I should buy a new truck. As I thought about it, it sounded like a much better idea because whos to say my future wife down the road would like what I bought. Whos to say that I am going to stay here in Florida when I get married. Whos to say that we would have enough money to support the house. Yes a smaller finacial decision was a much better decision because in the end right in the middle of getting married, getting a house, talking about BIG spending thoughts I would be stuck with the fact that I would be needing a new truck. I dont know if thats next year, the year after or in five years... But I would for sure be in need of a new truck at any one of those marks. So the thought randomly crossed my mind about buying a truck and the all of a sudden I get a call from Lakeland Toyota telling me about their buy back program and how many trucks they had that I could be looking at. I laughed on the phone because for a year I had been talking to everyone especially God about buying a house and then in ONE DAY I had an idea that I might buy a truck and it seemed that God was saying YES DO THAT.... DO THAT... Ok my man... I hear ya... You are just funny to me sometimes in how you randomly grab my attention on things like this.

Can't seem to fall back asleep again... To much on your mind that seem to chase your dreams away. Your body tries to give you little hints reminding you that it would be great to finish what deep sleep you had just awoken from. You are frustrated with yourself that the thing that is usually so easy for you to do seems an impossibility at this moment. Falling asleep. Like falling in love maybe, something that can only be done when you are finished worrying about everything. Thoughts running through your mind in the upcoming morning but oddly enough its a rarity that in fact you are thinking of only the morning. A sleep deprived moment always seems perfect for thoughts of your life, of your future. Will I be great, will I do better. Will I beat this, will I fall short. What can I do here, what didn't I do there. You always seem to try and finish the puzzle of your life while you sit there trying desperately to trick yourself back into some sense of sleep. I have not woken up to this feeling in a long time... Feeling of unrest, hope, and fear all mixed into one heart beat. Where is this coming from Jesus... My eager mind tries to over-analyze this emotion as if it were placed on me with the most symbolic meaning at the most symbolic time. Which in all reality I should just so willingly be able to grab the emotion throw it to Him and roll back over to the dream I had been living. But instead here I am typing away... Jesus, you wanna grab this for me?

If you were to read a book... Watch a movie... Or experience a fine piece of art would you take away from that moment by searching for the creator of the thing you were seeing and ask them what they meant by it?

I love you... There is no doubt about it. I make no shy attempts in trying to hold that in nor do I try to avoid the subject. My heart is yours and I believe it has been for longer than I actually knew. You catch my attention when you are in the room like no other. The sheer sound of your voice captures my breath. My troubles seem to always fade away when you are near and my heart always seems to race when I feel your touch. I believe God has given me great favor in my life with things like jobs, friends, or family. I believe that God has given me great favor in allowing me to have you in my life. I strongly believe that he has chosen my heart for yours and I say that not trying to fool you into believing that I have no fear or doubts in us. I don't want to portray that I think everything will work out or be easy, but with every inch of me I can say that I don't believe there is anything that could come up against us that you and I could not grab God's hand and defeat. But all of that said I do believe that not every plan God has works out in the way it was first planned and the reason for that is that we are in the mix. I believe that you and I stand on the edge of a decision that could scare our hearts from beating and where your touch jolts my heart back into pace; I fear that mine cannot do the same for you. I don't know if you are looking for something to be wrong because it feels so right. I don't know if you are just afraid because this is such a big decision. I don't know if I am just not what you are wanting. But no matter what all of those points will lead to the fact that you are simply not choosing me. This love, this type of love we are talking about I don't believe could be weak enough to allow someone not to jump off the edge. And as I see you sitting there safely on the edge it makes me feel that maybe we are just not meant to be. My heart is sold. It has been and will always be in your hands. But the choice will forever be yours.

I am peanut butter and you are jelly. Never will we be the same. We will always have different textures and different tastes. We will always like different sides and different colors. Sometimes we can both be difficult to work with, sometimes we will both be difficult to find. We are both fine being alone and could both find a way to make it on our own. But never will you find a better pair giving life something sweet. The perfect combination of different wants and different desires that when together make the world complete.

What do I want? I want you to lie... I want you to say that you need me. I want you to say that although yes, without me you will indeed survive, maybe those breaths might be just a little less impressive. I want you to say that there was never a moment that you thought if we had not met your life would just suddenly end but it would most certainly be lacking in beauty. I want you to lie and say your not strong giving me the quick chance to be there for you and not just be a spectator in a life I so desperately want to be a part of. Can you just for right now, at least just... Tell me a lie ?

In all reality.  I want to be in your arms for the rest of my life... The thing I wait for is God to agree. And just maybe for you to agree as well.

It always amazed me when someone made it clear that when bad happens in your life. When you choose the wrong path or simply the devil wins out Jesus doesn't look down at you with a simple "its ok" emotion. He doesn't look down wanting to pat you on the back and tell you that it will all be ok and pushes you to get up. Just like a close friend that loves wouldn't sit there and sigh when you were badly hurt. When things happen and the devil sneaks into your life and takes a moment from you, you become hurt... You are wounded from that mark that he had just left and Jesus with all of his strength and awesomeness sees you and weeps for you... He sobs due to the fact that little ole me has been hurt... And I will forever love that fact...

Devil.... You are my least favorite person. You always find your way in the darkness into my life. You always find your way sneaking in the hidden moments into my heart. I hate you for this. I have no doubt in my mind when I stand up and try to fight you I have the amazing chance of losing in all my efforts... But just you wait... This whole trust thing with me and Jesus... We are getting a lot better... And just you wait for the moment that I unleash him on you... Bet you wont try me again!

Would you rather sigh or sob… Would you rather run or hide… Would you rather loose or abstain… Would you rather trust or be safe… Would you rather be found or be searched for… would you rather have moments or fantasies?

We are taught as young adults or even as adults to let the failures of yesterday pass. We hear whispers that life is finite and you should never live on failures because you are going to make them. We hear poems and quotes, sweet little messages and riddles telling us how amazing life is through the success and even through the failures. A road less traveled or a mainstream highway does not depict where you will end up but only how you will end up there. But before those moments when we are pushed to be inspired, where we are told about moments that should make us stand up in front of our transgressions and our lifelong obstacles. Before when we were adolescence trying to form the habits that we would carry over into our adult lives we were pushed never to fail. Never to miss a class or a lecture fearing that the world would look down on us due to the fact we did not pass with flying colors. We were pushed to meet a time line, a deadline to become an adult. We were pushed and prodded to take the path that seemed so steady, beaten down by the many travelers before us. We were as children pushed and pushed to walk through the molding of a citizen and when we emerged the same as everyone else we were teased with the idea of individualism. We were fed the temptations of being creative. And here we stand at the corner of our young lives trying to decide whether we should listen to the god given whispers of creativity that come spewing out of our hearts or should we keep walking the pace that we had made habitual not that long ago. Here we stand trying to hear what the mentors in our lives are telling us or trying to remember what they had told us.

God sends you the people in your life, not so you can feel complete or accomplished but so you can have a little help in the path he calls you to walk. Your wife, your husband is there merely to help you, strengthen you, grab your hand while you walk the path you were called to walk for God. Jesus stands beside and you and whispers gently that you will never go without a smile on your face. He hears what your heart really cries for. He knows what your soul really needs, and those desires, those gifts are waiting for you as you walk your journey.

I think that in every moment that you say I love you to the one you truly love you always try to find some way to beat it with the next try. I know that my brief poetic mind lives for the moment that I can say those three little words differently with a little twist that makes them as big as the moon and as hot as the sun. I would always like to find that the words that I let drip with loves fragrance could stop the others heart in the middle of one of the strongest beats they could have ever experience. But sometimes its not the size of the words or how poetic you decide to make them. You might find the most hopelessly romantic way in the perfectly romantic moment to utter those words but sometimes those words could never beat the emotion that a simple look can bring.

In the past couple of months I have gone through this grand new reexamination of my life with God. I am not going to lie in saying that during this time I have found myself peaceful at where I was with it all but I am not going to stand up and scream that I was at the end of my rope either... Even though I may have felt that I was. For quite a while during this process I was terrified that all of my romantic ideals and all of my hopeless lovey believes were so far from the truth that I had missed the mark on so many levels. I was quite afraid that what I believed in about love was a fantasy or at the very least misplaced. I am starting to believe that I was wrong in all accounts. I will submit to the fact that yes God does come first, or at least should. That when your heart is bleeding for something or being given to someone God better have had come first in this process. It has been and will forever be insanity to think that you can give away something that doesn't even belong to you such as your heart... And give it away before you give it to the person who loves you the most. I strongly believe that through thick and thin God had always been there for me even if I wasn't mature enough or strong enough to either acknowledge that fact or give credit where credit was due. I also strongly believe that God made me, made my heart and he spent precious time doing it so I know that deep down but maybe even closer than I suspect there is a heart and a person who was meant to be a part of this world. And I still strongly believe that the way my heart loves, longs for love, or even looks at love isn't a mistake made by a cruel world... but more so a father who knew that the world needed more of such a thing. So here I stand purged of all the frightened thoughts that I could have that the way my heart beats and loves is off center... All of the scary dreams that my one true love will make my life even closer to what it should be and that be a wrong fantasy. Here I stand believing that somehow for whatever reason God had decided to give me a heart that longed for romance, that longed for love with the believe that maybe even for a small seconded he wanted me to feel towards him and others just a minuet amount of what he feels towards me. So, like I said... Here I stand believing that not only should I love, but love with no holding back...

I always seem to grab a childs mentality on life when dealing with a problem. I sit down and say to myself that if I could just do this or just get that everything would fall into place and be right again. I always see myself climbing a mountain as the metaphoric duty in my head but in the mountain that I am climbing it always seems to only have one tough spot, one spot that is just brutally hard and if you can get through that its beautiful sailing from there on in. This is why I am always shocked at the fact that when I start my climb and get through the rough parts I pick my head up and start a light jog in victory only to find myself running into another wall. Shocked that life had done this too me or that God would dare allow two trouble spots in my life. Such a travesty should never be allowed on my mental mountain challenge. But thats just it, you never seem to only have only one hard spot, only one tough time and for me to assume that once that tough time had been accomplished is a light hearted fools thought. One of which the devil would be oh to eager to take charge with. I need to position myself for a tough climb from bottom to top and not only be prepared for that climb I also need to be able to redirect and make myself ready for the next. There are plenty of peaks to go around, and if I get stuck on the first one how will I ever get to where I need to go... Stay the course and stay calm... I love the British war propaganda that simply says keep calm and carry on. A good reminder to just bounce off the bad moments and keep going forward knowing that once you leave one behind there is a good chance around the corner another awaits. Stay strong because although the devil maybe be trying to trick you at every turn Jesus is the one with the map and hes right beside me...

God.... I need you right now... I need you here so I can wrap my arms around you and just sob for a second or two. I just want to hear your voice, feel your touch as you grip me tight and hold me close. I want to speak with no clear understanding of what I am saying due to the fact that my eyes are pouring onto your shoulders. I want to feel your hands sliding up and down my back trying to comfort me whispering whatever it is that you want to whisper. I want to be able to cry without the fear of someone looking and judging me for why i'm crying or that i'm crying. I want to release these emotions on your chest and let them go. I want to trust you and beg for your love knowing that I already have it but showing you that I cherish it so. God, I want to be OK... I have never wanted to be perfect or even close, I have always wanted to be pointed in the right direction with your hand on my shoulder. God... I need you hear right now... I need your arms around me whispering that its going to be OK... I am not trusting you right now and i'm trying so desperately... Come tonight and wrap your arms around me quick because the devil has been knocking at the door and I dont want him in here anymore...

I feel a sneaking feeling that I am purely unhappy where I am... And that is to say not that I am miserable with my life but more so that im just not where I am supposed to be. I want more out of my job other than it becoming my life... I want my job to pay for my life and the position that I want in life is a happy one... not a title or some fancy office... I want to be happy doing what I want to do... I dont want a paycheck at the end of the day, i want to earn a living off of doing what I love to do... being who I am... now just what is that

A famous artist or someone who is well known for their quotes could make or say something that is so vague no ordinary person could get away with producing such a thing. But when that person who one would trust to come up with something beautiful, when they decide to put something out there that is so minuet in clarity, so obviously vague that the reader or the onlooker has the opportunity to make the thing that they are beholding their own for just a moment. Their creativity and imagination has the privileged of running wild with the endless possibilities of different meanings or infinite ways that this thing symbolizes. It is amazing when someone so creative can make something and put it in front of us that allows us to use our own God given creativity to inspire us.

What do you do.... You take a deep breath. Stand up straight. You trust who you trust and start walking. There is no reason to sit down and cry today... Got other crap to do

Jesus... Listen to me now... There is nothing more in my life that I want than someone who I love just short of you... There is nothing more in my life that I want than someone who loves me just short of you... I trust your direction and I love your timing... But hear me when I say that is my heart... Nothing more

An ordinary day always seems to react to life as if it were going through the cycle of a years seasons. It always seems to start somewhere in between Summer and Fall. Waking up to a usually sunny morning as if to say the possibilities of a joyous day are endless. Moving to the mundane task of life as the day moves on your mind starts to wonder starts to ponder things that could only be thought about when it seems your life is being stretched tighter and tighter. As you mind sits and stares at the things running through it your heart decides to chime in, reminding your body of where you are in your life. Whether it be your social life, your work life, your family or even your love life. You heart pounds harder and harder trying to encourage your mind to focus on the things your heart as pushed forward. So you start to focus harder and the matters of the heart only to shut it up for just a few moments thinking if you give it the spot light for a moment the moment will be done. After hours of that single spot light and not a dry eye in the joint it starts to end the Fall season of your day and move into Winter.. A cold rush of an emotion starts to creep up and down your spine. You shiver in places you never knew could hoping that just for a second it would subside. Your heart starts to steer your mind in directions you would have never allowed to happen if only you realized. And just like the Winter season it last so much longer than you anticipated, so much longer than you wanted... Until your bones shake, your heart shivers and forces your blood to thicken and move more slowly. You sit back wondering when in the world will this emotion leave my mind, leave my heart. And just as quickly as it had started the snow starts to melt and the sunshine feels a little stronger than memory served. And finally Spring arrives. You get a big gulp of fresh air reviving your senses and even your spirit. You start to dance hoping that it will stay this way for at least a full life time...

This week has been harder than weeks past. I seem to find myself in a spinning room where at one point you can see a door and a window but then the room shifts and all you can focus on is a darken corner. My heart calls out begging for an answer and right when I feel like my ears are hearing just what I have been waiting for the words that are said have made things more confusing than before they were said. I have said that I am strong, that I am ok and I will get through this all but today and the day before I hurt... My heart trembles and it makes every inch of my soul shiver. Hold me tight dear God... Because tonight is going to hurt...

Could this be the start of the end...

At some point in your life you are going to have to make a decision. This decision could kill you, but then again you wont die. Its no way to live, waiting on love, so you have to stand tall and make a decision that could humble you to your knees or could give you wings.. Or in the rare moment both at the same time. You cant keep yourself hidden from the world, boundaries don't keep others out, they only fence you in. Life is messy... That's how we are made. We were never made to end this tragic time frame clean and unscathed. Use yourself and allow other the ability to see how its done. Dance for people and love with all of your might.

"I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. " - Maya Angelou

It is very simple... I wish you were here. I wish I was there. I wish it was different. I wish wishes came true.

My heart cries out to you. I finally get to a point where I can trust you with the things that I want the most. The things that I care about the most. You asked me for my heart, you asked me for my love and I gladly give it to you. But here I stand in the rain hoping that you give me a little direction with the pieces of my heart. I beg you to show me where I need to stand, when I need to run... Please take this heart and make it yours, make it feel the love that you have given me and show me where to go...

I feel as if just thinking about my life you will simply pop up. My mind will start to ponder about how i feel and my heart will try to over analyze what it feels. My mind will try to define it so that it can pick the right cubbyhole in my world to place it in. My eyes will glaze over as they replay in the back of my head all of the memories that I have saved. The good and the bad will rush to my hands making them shake from excess emotions that have been going around and around my mind. My heart will start to flutter from the romantic symbolism that comes from my over analyzing. It will start to beat harder and faster sending signals to my mind which in turn starts to race. Thoughts of love and passion float around my wondering mind as it drifts off into some sweet day dream where I can dance on the moon. The shirt I wear feeling tighter and tighter as my chest starts to expand. My feet start to feel the strain that my weaken knees cause them as I stumble through my world... My life. My breath becomes harder and more shallow trying to keep up with the strain my beating heart puts on my body. And at the last moment of this feeling my chest starts to push out and my hands grip my skin as my heart simply breaks pushing through to announce to the world simply that I love you...

Our greatest fear is not that we are unloved but that we can be loved. It is not the broken pieces of our hearts that frightens us but the heart that stands whole and beats loud inside our chest. Your playing safe does not serve the world there is nothing enlightened about shrinking your heart trying to keep it safe and whole when it has yet to be filled. We were all meant to love and believe as children do, without fear of pain or holding back trying to avoid being tattered or torn through life's changes. It's not in some of us but in everyone. And as we let our own hearts triumph over the quietness of life we unconsciously give others the ability to love and be loved without fear of being transparent or unguarded. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence, our light automatically liberates others.

Ringing in your ears... Your eyes crack open and you look around trying to make up your mind where the annoying unwelcome sound is coming from. You close your eyes hard and hold them closed for a while hoping that keeping them there will wash away any of the falsehoods that might be floating around your mind. But when you actually open them you realize that annoying sound is still going off. You turn to your lamp trying to lighten the room as you realize the sound is just your alarm. You hit the snooze button which silences the killer sound for a brief moment or two. You slide your hands to your face and try to wipe away the sleep and unconsciousness that is making the room tilt just a bit. You slide your body to the side of your bed as you sit up trying to get into the normal routine of your day. You take a deep breath realizing that the dreams are over and life has started once again. Always laughing to yourself as you remember just what world you had come from and battles you were fighting.. As the breath of your long overdue sigh starts to exhale from your chest you lean over to your cell phone as your mind remembers just what you do every morning. Your heart starts to beat more aggressively and your palms start to sweat just a bit. Your hair feels extra itchy and your skin starts to crawl. As your finger tips grip the edges of the portal to your life you try to swallow the lump that is growing in the back of your throat. You look at the green notification light that usually blinks to let you know somethings there. But alas there is no friendly lighting show. But you tell yourself that there have been times before that there was no notification but behind that blackened screen awaited a message from your long lost heart. So you smile hoping to prove the phone wrong once more. Sliding your fingers across the screen to wake up your sleeping friend to be sadly informed that nothing had come in that night. No simple hello or was thinking about you. You don't sigh with disappointment because of anger or frustration but more so that there was no proof that her heart has mirrored yours. Another morning that will start of with an uncertain emotion. And will keep your mind and heart on her for the rest of these simple 24 hours...

I still believe in a look. I still believe in love so very much that a simple look can suffice. A look across the room when two people connect without words, with out a psychical touch but connect on a level that is so often over looked. Your first instinct when you catch someones gaze is to look away, for what ever reason we dare not allow someone to notice our stare. But in that off chance, in that rare moment when you connect with someone who you would dare not look away, you fall in love all over again. Remembering why you had fallen the first time. Knowing that the moments that lay behind you and stand in front of you are moments that you cherish because you love every minute spent and not spent with this person. Who you were before them was just a person dreaming of this day... Who you are after them is just someone who's soul has been touched... I still believe in this moment, a moment where all that is needed to change your world is a simple catch of that special persons gaze, and then off to lovey dovey land where there is no coming back.

You have moments in your day that pop up and make your life seem exciting... Those moments are usually some big experience or awesome news that just came to mind but on a rare instance its something a lot smaller. A moment, a clip, a song, a thought that just hits you and makes you think of all the possibilities that you have in your life. You feel as if the invisible celling that you feel every day is gone, that your office or room isn't closing in on you right now that it actually just opened up and you realize all the cool little things you can, like write on your walls, on your windows, tape things up... And for that moment, that brief little moment your free. Free inside your life where things aren't as bleak as they once were. I love those moments, those moments where you can just let yourself go and remind yourself that there are tons of things that can be done, there are moments that can happen and things that can change. Although there are some things that are in your life that will never change from what they are, that doesn't mean we have to sit in the rain and stare at them. I love those little moments that god can share with us without making it feel as if it some huge spiritual thing... something quiet and easy but up lifting at the same time...

For the very first time I believe I can say though the outcome is fuzzy and I dont know for a fact that it will turn out the way that I want it to, I trust that what will come will be amazing... I trust that what God will bless me with will be so far beyond my wildest dreams that I will be frozen in awe of what he has planned to bless me with. I am not afraid that this will hurt, I am afraid that it isnt what I think it should be, but I believe with all of my heart that its going to be awesome in the end... Thank you God for this peace inside of all of this. Thank you for your shoulder right when I need it... Thank you for being who you are...

I have been sitting here waiting for someone to come into my life and tell me that they love me... I have been waiting for someone to just whisper those words... I have fought to keep that, I have loved and loved trying to feel loved for just a simple moment but it never lasted. I thought that my life was just going to be void of an ever lasting love... I thought that it just wasn't my season... Well as I pray, I say over and over please God send me someone who loves me... Someone who loves me please send to my life... And god gently whispers, im right here... and have always been and always will... I can love you like no other... You will never find someone who is so head over heels for you... Never will you find someone who's heart beats for you the way mine does..

Cutting... Never really thought about it much but its always been something in the back of my head. Always wondered what could possibly be going through the minds of people who cut themselves. I have read a few posts about it trying to understand what they could be experiencing and from what my heart tells me it is some release of excess emotion. When you get filled up with emotions that you are trying to suppress and you have no more room in your heart or your head you release them by opening your body up, making you feel better with the pain. It was such a foreign emotion to cut myself trying to make myself feel better. There is no way that I would ever do that. No way that I would ever take that emotion from God and try to deal with it myself. But I realize that cutting yourself is not just physical. What is cutting. It is inflicting pain or injury on yourself. What is injury? Damage or harm done to or suffered by a person is the definition that I found and no where in that does it say physical. There are things in my life that my heart runs to, not because it is safe or because it is right but because it is familiar. When life is going well or smooth I never seem to have this problem but when life is to much and my tiny heart cannot stand the tension anymore I see myself running back to that same safety. I realize that Jesus has been waiting on me this whole time to run to him. Anyone who has ever conflicted pain on themselves knowingly or oblivious to the fact listen up. Jesus is waiting for you... He has been waiting for you to run to him for your entire life. I dont want to feel that same pain over and over and settle for it just to get away from the pain im running from. Here I am Jesus... and this hurts... But I trust that you got it... I trust that you have the direction that I need to be running... Never doubted it from the start, but man this does hurt

We starve for the perfection in our lives… We search and search trying to find just the right moment when life opens its doors to reveal where we are, where we are going and when it doesn’t we seem to start opening doors desperately trying to find the call before the ending. Our hearts beating as tick tocks of a clock… We hear the thumps in our chest which pushes us to search even faster, more carelessly that when we find something that fits the mold we grip it with two hands and hold on tight as if the crushing wave of life itself is just behind us waiting to pounce… This truth, this lie that we have found in our desperation of being saved is the thing that we hold close, the thing that we grip to while we dangle off the edge of the world. We dare not look down to see the darken pit that goes on and on with no ending in sight that is just below the edges of our toes. We grip to this thing that could be wrong, could be right with every inch of our hopes, every inch of our dreams and if we dare to let go we will fall into the bottomless pit of uncertainty, of life not known by our careful hearts… life that we have not lived, where knowing is not an option and being safe in a blissfully unaware mind is just a fond memory. Oh how easy it would be if it were just easy to let go.

I wonder if we were able to see... I wonder if we were able to psychically see the shield in one hand and the sword in the other. I wonder if we could feel the hot steel on our bodies, the helmet heavy on our head... I wonder if we could hear the battle cries and the screams of fallen enemies and fallen friends a like if that would change our vision. I wonder if we could see the fight between good and evil if our hearts would change, if we could see that our strength and our weaknesses are not just our own but all of your brothers and sisters along with you. I wonder if we could open our eyes to the fight going on through out the world could we really see our commander and chief ruling from the heavenly clouds... Would we change, would how we fight change... Would we look at the battle not as some video game or movie you can stop and reset when the parts get to scary or to hard. Would we stand, would we fall, would we rise up and challenge the shadows that stand before us or would we slip away hoping to avoid the conflict in our hearts. I wonder if the sights, the sounds, the smells, the horrific cries in the night or the screaming would harden our hearts... If we would be sold or for sale... If we would fight with the fire of God or if we would stand by and play the sidelines.

I know in the end as long as I stay true to the idea that I will be fine in Jesus... That as long as I walk beside him the path that he created for me will never over take me. I know that everything that I have gone through, am going through, or will go through is a designed idea that will get me to where he wants me in the end... but right now letting her go out of my mind is not something that I want to do or even feel like I should do.... you told me to just wait, to just hold on and you would show me where I needed to be... I wait, I walk beside you waiting to see what you see. I can promise you that I trust you, I can promise you that no matter what I believe in you and that you will pull me through whatever could come up, but along with you she also has my heart... and although any other time I would say we need to figure out how to get it back I don't really want to pray that prayer...

Was just thinking last night when something really really bad happened that it was funny to me when you have God on your mind you seem to find the good in things. I could not help the fact that I could point out all the possible outcomes that could have happened that would have been so much worse that what happened... Thanks G for giving me a calming way to look at it. If I had not been calm I don't think I would have been able to fix anything at that point... You really saved me last night... Thanks,

Soo... Here I am wanting to say something profound and poetic about how I feel at the deepest levels of my heart... Here I am wanting to convey the emotions that float around my life at this particular point in my life... Here I am.... Wanting to say.. God, yea your right, this is tough, this is a little on the painful side, but ya know all these random quotes that float through my head about your awesome love, all these random verses about you loving me deeply seem to be quiting the darken shadows that randomly walk through my heart... I love that you do that... I love that when I just whisper your name it seems like a warm blanket right now... Well, i havent said it today so i guess I will... you rock...

Thanks G....

Goodnight world

Thought of the day... Although everyone I know thinks I am a cocky little dude I think I am quite the opposite... But as I think about it, the mask that I wear to lead people away from who I really am (its a defense dont hate me for it) is cocky... So to sum that up my mask is cocky... Not who I really am but it is the who I am choosing to be. choosing to wear a mask allows you to avoid being who you really are... but do you choose a who that is close to you or one that is far away... I have gifts that God gave me... Gifts that I am supposed to use for good at some point in my life, and who the heck do I think I am by not honoring those gifts that I was given by my father and not share them with the world... Dont ever be afraid to show who you are... You never know, someone in your life could be in your life to see that mask come down... They could be waiting and waiting just for a glimpse of who you are... Always be real... Dont be fake... Yea the Bible actually says to people dont be fake, how awesome is that... But that comes from a guy who has always worn a mask to protect himself... In all realaity what it did was clip my wings... Ok mental note, another thing I will be working on here... Being me... I will stand up, I will speak, I will walk because I know that God gave me something and dang it im gonna use it.

My thoughts for this evening G... I am scared out of my mind about praying to you in front of everyone at youth next week. I know I am a public speaker and all but this is different than speaking. This is me, sharing my heart for you in front of other people... Not so assuring. I don't know if it scares me to think that they might not like my ideas, that they might not like my thoughts or where I stand, I don't know if its just a random uncomfortableness or if I'm just dramatic... But sure enough when i think about doing it in front of anyone its pretty terrifying. But none the less I had a thought the other day when I was talking to P. Frank.... I said that I knew with out a doubt from times that have passed when I get up there you give me the shakes to get me going and the strength to get me through. I think when I said that a feeling of amazement washed over me. No matter what you seem to always give me the strength to push through. I have not always been right there with the thank you or the you rock but deep down I always tipped my heart to you... You really do know how to give me what I need right when I need it. I wonder if that timing is to give me a sense of satisfaction while giving you the glory and praise for a job well done... I wonder if its a lesson every time to learn to lean on you... To go as far as I can go and not worry about the extra little step because I know you will be there... I wonder if you just rock that way and there really doesn't need to be an explanation... I think I like all three put together there... yea... Well lets just say you rock and leave it at that... I think I could go on and on tonight but I wont... See you in my dreams... OH YEA, thanks for the towels... I really did need them!!!

So all week this week I have been telling myself that I need to go get some small towels for work. Every morning during an event I have to wipe off the seats of the golf carts because there is always dew on them.. Every morning I have to randomly find a shirt or some type of napkin so I can wipe EIGHT carts down so you don't get soaked while driving them. I went to walmart, forgot to get towels, I went to lowes, forgot to get towels, I went to publix, forgot to get towels, I EVEN WEN TO MY HOUSE.... AND forgot to get towels. So for a week I have been saying over and over I need some freaking towels. Wouldnt you know it, God decided to make my day just a little better by having the girl at Smokin Jims insist I take some towels when I ordered some take out.... Gods great... with the big and with the small... Hes great through it all... (I know I know, I just had to rhyme...)

Running outside as he throws his phone on his bed... The rain drops from the crying sky slide down his face as he steps out into the night... He looks in his hands hoping to find some sort of comfort, some soft of truth. He looks around trying to find something that he is looking for without knowing what it is. He sees a ladder against the side of his house as he runs to it. He starts to climb up gripping his hands on the shingles that cover the roof. He pulls himself up and starts to stumble to the highest point. His feet plant and his toes grip the edges of the siding and his hands throw themselves to the air. He starts to tremble as he screams to the sky. God, he cries, where are you... Where did you go. His voice trembles as his heart starts to cry out. Oh God, I trust you with my whole heart, I trust your path and your direction but this rocky road hurts... He slides down to his knees starting to sob... He screams to the sky... Where am I supposed to go, what am I supposed to do. His limp body starts to lean forward without him noticing and as his eyes open he can see that he is starting to slide off... as his body leans forward and his balance gives in he feels a grip on his shoulder pulling him back... He feels arms sliding around his body and a voice whispering in his ear... He starts to sob a cry deeper than he had ever felt before in his life as the voice repeats in his ear, I have always been here.... I have always been right here... Trust in me through this hurt and I will hold you close, I will hold you tight for I am right here... and always have been

Here's a message that will bring you chills.

Have you ever felt the urge to pray for someone and Then just put it on a list and said, 'I'll pray for them later'?

Or has anyone ever called you and said,
'I need you to pray for me, I have this need?'

Read the following story that was sent to me and may it change the way that you may think about prayer and also the way you pray. You will be blessed by this.....

A missionary on furlough told this true story while visiting his home church in Michigan .

'While serving at a small field hospital in Africa , every two weeks I traveled by bicycle through the jungle to a nearby city for supplies. This was a journey of two days and required camping overnight at the halfway point.

On one of these journeys, I arrived in the city where I planned to collect money from a bank, purchase medicine, and supplies, and then begin my two-day journey back to the field hospital.

Upon arrival in the city, I observed two men fighting, one of whom had been seriously injured. I treated him for his injuries and at the same time talked to him about the Lord.

I then traveled two days, camping overnight, and arrived home without incident.....

Two weeks later I repeated my journey.
Upon arriving in the city, I was approached by the young man I had treated.
He told me that he had known I carried
Money and medicines.
He said, 'Some friends and I followed you in to the jungle, Knowing you would camp overnight. We planned to kill you and take your money and drugs. But just as we were about to move into your camp, We saw that you were surrounded by 26 armed guards.

At this, I laughed and said that I was
certainly all alone in that jungle campsite..
The young man pressed the point, however, and said,
'No, sir, I was not the only person to see the guards, my friends also saw them, and we all counted them.
It was because of those guards that
We were afraid and left you alone'

At this point in the sermon, one of the men in the congregation jumped to his feet and interrupted the missionary and asked if he could tell him the exact day this happened. The missionary told the congregation the date, and the man who interrupted told him this story:

'On the night of your incident in Africa ,
it was morning here and I was preparing to go play golf. I was about to putt when I felt the urge to pray for you.
In fact, the urging of the Lord was so strong, I called men in this church to meet with me here in the sanctuary to pray for you.

Would all of those men who met with me on that day stand up?' The men who had met together to pray that day stood up.. The missionary wasn't concerned with whom they were, He was too busy counting how many men he saw.

There were 26.

This story is an incredible example of how the Spirit of the Lord moves in behalf of those who love Him. If you ever feel such prodding to pray, go along with it, you don't know what it can mean to that person.

Nothing is ever hurt by prayer except the gates of hell. I encourage you to forward this to as many people as you know. If we all take it to heart, we can turn this world toward God once again.
As the above true story clearly illustrates,
'With God all things are possible'.

More importantly, how God hears and
Answers the prayers of the faithful.

After you read this, please pass it on and
Give God thanks for the beautiful gift of your faith, for the powerful gift of prayer, and for the many miracles He works in your own daily life. And then pass it on.
Who says God does not move on the earth today?

I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today.
To guide you and protect you as you go along your way.
His love is always with you, His promises are true, and when we give Him our cares you know
He will see us through.
So when the road you're traveling on seems difficult at best,
Just remember I'm here praying,
And God will do the rest.

Pass this on to those whom you want God to bless